If you are currently in a romantic relationship, consider the following questions:

  • Do you have to look and act your best around this person?
  • Do you feel comfortable and free to be your genuine self?
  • Is your relationship based primarily on how you feel?
  • Has your relationship taken the time to grow, develop, and mature?
  • Does your partner take into account you and your needs?
  • Have you neglected other areas of your life as a result of this relationship?
  • Do you continue to pursue your own interests and identity?
  • Is your relationship based on the physical aspect?
  • Does it encourage a deep connection?
  • Are you or they obsessive, possessive, or jealous?
  • Do you both practice understanding and trust?
  • Is commitment involved, or do you continually worry about the relationship?

Love and infatuation are both intense emotions that one feels for another. Many times people feel like they are in love, but in fact, their feelings are nothing more than infatuation. Infatuation is the state of being completely lost in the emotion of unreasoning desire. Love is an intense feeling of deep affection, and is based on time and concern for the other person’s needs.

Love says, “I will never hurt you; I will never use you; I will never abuse you; you will be a better person because I love you.” Think about the people in your life you claim to love. Are they better off because you are in their life? Are you better off because they are in yours? These questions give us all something to think about and work on.

Most of what happens in a relationship is not physical or sexual. Healthy relationships include working together, talking, laughing, arguing, having mutual friends, and enjoying outings. If we want to have healthy, satisfying relationships that last, we need to make sure they are not based on feelings, but on choosing to love someone for who they are.

What qualities would you like in a friend/date? Do you hope to be with someone that is respectful, caring, kind, a good listener, trustworthy, and faithful? Do you have these qualities? When you work on being a healthy person yourself, you will attract healthy people into your life. Infatuation is counterfeit love. When you work on your character qualities, your relationships will be healthier because you will be healthier.