A Young Woman’s Guide to Adulthood

by Clarity Cares | Oct 23, 2019 | Relationships

If you are in your twenties and feel like you have should have it all together but don’t, you’re not alone. Learning to navigate through young adulthood is exciting and freeing, but can be absolutely terrifying at the same time. The latter is especially true if you don’t have that perfect job lined up, your relationship is not going where you intended it to go, or you’re feeling the weight of the world on your shoulders from the sudden influx of responsibilities that just got thrown your way.

When we’re young, we imagine what our lives will look like when we’re adults, but when that vision doesn’t play out the way we intended, it can be way too easy to fall into a season of depression or complacency. An important nugget of hope to always remember if you may be feeling this way: it will all work out. Maybe not the way you envisioned when you were younger, maybe not the way you would particularly like and maybe not without a few bumps or uphill battles along the way, but everything will work out in the way that it is supposed to. Hopefully you can find a little solace in that.

A few things to consider when you’re feeling down about the direction of your life at the moment, or if you’re looking at the future with uncertainty:

• Be grateful for how far you’ve come. You were made for such a time as this and where you are is exactly where you are meant to be at this very point in time. Just think of all the obstacles and struggles you have been through to get to where you are, and remember YOU did that! No one else survived those storms in your life that once felt impossible. If you can overcome your past tribulations, you will survive the place your life is in now.
• Enjoy the moment you’re in. It’s so easy to become instantly overwhelmed when thinking about all the missed opportunities or things that didn’t work out. Instead of allowing those looming thoughts to dampen your mood, turn your thoughts to the place you’re in and savor every moment. Chances are, you won’t always be in this stage of life, so don’t waste it by waiting on the next stage to get here. In every situation you find yourself, set aside a moment to fully take it in, enjoy it and create memories that remind you of the GOOD that came out of this pitstop on the road to your future self.
• Talk to someone you trust. Regardless of what circumstances you’re in, speaking to someone you trust can make tough situations seem a little more do-able. Maybe he/she has been through what you are currently going through or maybe just a good listener. Either way, sometimes all we need is a listening ear or shoulder to lean on. A little word of encouragement or just the ability to share our heart is all that is needed to help us see our lives through a different lens and change our attitude about current circumstances.

Battling Insecurity

by Clarity Cares | Dec 11, 2017 | Relationships

Do you have days where your insecurities will not leave you alone?

“You’re stupid. No one thinks you’re beautiful. People don’t like you. You’re a failure. You’ll never do anything right. No one will ever love you,” and on and on…

Most of us have this inner voice speaking these falsehoods on a regular basis. Even though we experience joys, achievements, and celebrations, we continue to feel inadequate.

Insecurity is very commonplace, even for individuals who seem incredibly confident. Underneath the facade, you will find uncertainty and doubt.

Did you know we are called a narcissistic generation? Technology and social media are giving us an inflated sense of self. The selfie – hello! Along with the usage of social media comes the constant struggle with comparison. Social media has a way of portraying all of the fun, exciting, and adventurous aspects of a person. However, it is a poor representation of reality and the struggles we all face.

Countless poor decisions are made from nothing more than insecurity. Sometimes we find ourselves doing things we would never do otherwise, all in an attempt to be accepted and liked. Many of us will do whatever it takes to be recognized by others, even if that means negative attention.

So how do we overcome insecurity? Robert W. Firestone, author of Conquer Your Critical Inner Voice, says there are five important steps to overcome this inner voice.

• Step 1 – Vocalize your critical thoughts in the second person. For example, if you think, “I am so stupid,” vocalize or write down, “you are so stupid.”
• Step 2 – Reflect on where these thoughts may be coming from. Do they remind you of anyone or anything from your past? It is helpful to uncover the relationship between the voice attacks and your early life experiences.
• Step 3 – Write down realistic statements about who you really are. This could be hard at first because we can become so accustomed to the negative self-talk. Respond to them like you would if a friend was being attacked by these statements: with compassion and understanding.
• Step 4 – Start to make a connection between how the voice attacks are affecting your present day behaviors: relationships, work, school, etc.
• Step 5 – Make a plan to change the behaviors. For example, if these self-critical thoughts are keeping you from initiating a new friendship, it’s time to go ahead and do so anyways.

It will be difficult to change your critical inner voice at first, but with practice and persistence, you can overcome the negative thoughts by being proactive with the truth about who you really are. You have value and worth.

At Clarity Pregnancy Services and Clarity Testing Clinic, we often find teens, women and men who have struggled with insecurity. As a result, they have placed themselves in situations that have resulted in a pregnancy or STI scare. Know that when you come to Clarity for confidential help, you’ll receive more than a test. You’ll find individuals with compassionate hearts and listening ears. We are here to help remind you that you have value and worth. You matter, despite what situation you’re facing.

Creating a Quality List

by Clarity Cares | Nov 20, 2017 | Relationships

Are you thinking about dating? It can be a fun time to build a friendship with someone and to lay a foundation for a strong and healthy relationship. However, dating has the potential to lead to heartbreak when we dive in head first. What if there was a way to be more intentional with finding someone that had the qualities and characteristics we hope for in our future spouse? There are a number of things that can be done; spend time with people who share similar interests, form supportive relationships with both guys and girls, and create a list of attributes we hope for in a romantic partner.

The list could look something like this:

• Trustworthy
• Kind
• Funny/good sense of humor
• A leader
• Generous
• Athletic

List making employs our minds to think and reason. Waiting until someone comes along and says they are interested is dangerous because emotions can get in the way. Excited emotions tend to bully our minds into disregarding reason and logic. It is more than likely you have had a friend at one point that was dating someone, and no one could understand why. It may appear obvious to everyone else that they are unmatched, but they gloss over it or rationalize why it is okay.

So what types of things should be added to this list? The most important items to include are character traits. Everyone has character traits, both good and bad. Character traits are often shown with descriptive adjectives such as honest, brave, compassionate, etc. Take time to think about characteristics that are important to you. Here’s a link to get you started!

Another thing to consider while creating your list is how they treat others. How they engage with others is a reflection of their character, but it is also important enough to mention on its own. Some people are very good at acting pleasant when it is to their benefit, but observing how they treat their parents and siblings is a good indicator of how they may treat you. Are they honest with their parents, or do they frequently hide things? Do they treat their siblings unfairly or unjustly? These are signs of disrespect, dishonesty, and disregard for the feelings of those that love them. There is no romantic relationship that will change that.

Religion would be an additional beneficial component to consider. Faith may not play a crucial role in your life, but strive to date someone with the same core beliefs and value systems. Major challenges can form when this area is neglected.

What about physical characteristics? Although physical attributes should not be the sole focus of your list, attraction does play a role in a romantic relationship. Perhaps you hope to be with someone with kind eyes, a sweet smile, someone who is athletic, or taller than you. Focus on what is important to you, and not on what your friends, culture, or society says is attractive.

Creating a list allows you to take the time to truly contemplate what you hope for in a future partner. Focus on the majors, and revisit your list from time to time. As you continue to grow and mature, you may find that there are things you no longer view as essential. Or maybe you will end up adding characteristics to your list as time goes on. As you create and edit your quality list, remember to continue developing your own character and personality. Strive to be the type of person that is able to enter into any relationship with maturity, compassion, kindness, and good intent for others.